::sunday::

the melancholy i seek out is underwhelming. it will not overtake me. i have been sitting at this keyboard a long while this morning, making various decisions, and one of them is to be happy in the new year. it seems like so much of experiencing life is intertwined with little tragedies along the way, but i don't buy into the fact that that is what gets us along in our years here. i think we want to buy into it at times, but what is wrong with being satisfied with how things are? is it a generational thing to seek out the drama and the difficulty and grow them up into something bigger (better) than us? it seems like it is a trend, from my humble observations. i don't think this world is THAT horrible, as a matter of fact i think i am lucky to be where i'm at and especially in oc we should see how good (albeit sheltered) we have it (current tragedy aside). there is this idea that has been floating around in my head for a couple of days that questions decisions i've made and am i really happy and you know, it's a choice that we make. to have joy in our lives despite the pain around us.

i want to be a writer, a musician, a teacher, a thinker, a Christian, a lover, a friend, a seamstress, a poet, a lyricist, a film-score composer, a film aficionado; some of things are already a reality. some things have not been thought of yet. that's the great thing about life is that you have all these choices in font on you, and hopefully it doesn't overwhelm you so much that you shrink in front of it and run away.

happy new year!