::who is she?::

there's a scene in my head, like something out of a movie. some wanna-be tragically hip twenty-something struggling with her own ideas amidst a handful of well executed mistakes. she sits a a computer, waiting for it to come. praying for some revelation as to the bigger picture of her. her life. she tries, badly, to impose her imaginings on other people. tries to be a writer, a musician, etching these things on her skin as if the imprint will bleed into her. a catalyst spurring her inspiration. she tries different clothes, different hairstyles, different friends. but today, it's just her. fingers newly freed from the harshness of acrylics, toes freshly painted, hair newly cut, colored and washed. she's no one else but herself. what does she want out of life? she flirts with depression & depressive behavior. contemplates calling those she left behind. suddenly reminded of why she left in the first place, she puts down the phone, deletes the first words of her email. all she can even begin with is "hi" or "hey" and then it seems worthless. you see, she's still painfully aware of the existence of these "others". but, you see, they did some leaving too. she cannot rewrite the past. she listens to music when she's feeling introspective. or when she's driving. she seeks her inspiration from personal experience, but this depresses her because it is so self-centered. lacks the imagination to figure out what someone else's life would be like.

who is she?

stay tuned for the next installment....