::saturday funnies::

thank yous to sara in az for the timely email.

A Few Random Thoughts....
(well, actually, it's a lot)

* A heavy-handed father can make a nimble-footed son.
* A lot of church members who are singing "Standing On The Promises" are just sitting on the premises.
* A pint of example is worth a gallon of advice.
* Ballerinas are always standing on their toes. Why don't they just get taller ballerinas?
* Children need encouragement. If a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way he develops a good, lucky feeling.
* DIAPER spelled backward is REPAID. Think about it...
* Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window!
* Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
* Do not believe in miracles...rely on them.
* Energizer Bunny arrested--charged with battery.
* Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
* Give a man a fish and you'll feed him for a day, but give him a case of dynamite and soon the village will be showered with mud and seaweed and unidentifiable chunks of fish.
* He who loses money, loses much; He who loses a friend, loses much more; He who loses faith, loses all.
* If you are driving at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens?
* If you think about it, Adam had more trouble than any of the rest of us buying his Father a gift for Father's Day. I mean, what do you get somebody who's Everything?
* I have a hobby. I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen some of it.
* Life can be only understood backwards, but it must be lived forward.
* Life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.
* Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep.
* Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
* Middle age is having a choice of two temptations and choosing the one that will get you home earlier.
* Real friends are those who, when you feel you've really made a fool of yourself, don't feel you've done a permanent job.
* Sorrow looks back, worry looks around, and faith looks up.
* Sweater: a garment worn by a child when a mother feels chilly.
* The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
* The best thing to spend on your children is time.
* The buck doesn't even slow down here!
* There are two kinds of people in the world: Those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," and those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's morning."
* We all have expiration dates, but only God can read the bar code.
* We do not stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.
* What does Geronimo yell when he jumps out of a plane?
* What do they use to ship Styrofoam?
* What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
* What if there were no hypothetical questions?
* What is the speed of dark?
* What's another word for synonym?
* What's another word for thesaurus?
* What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?
* When a cow laughs, does milk come out its nose?
* When dad blows his big top, make sure you're not on the high wire.
* When dog food has a new and improved taste, who tests it?
* Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
* When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It make's the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
* When I was a kid, I could toast a marshmallow over my birthday cake. Now I could roast a turkey.
* Where are the germs that cause GOOD breath?
* Where are we going and why am I in this handbasket?
* Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?
* "Young man, the secret of my success is that at an early age I discovered I was not God."