::lundi musicaux::
mr. robert watson got me thinking. why him? well, friend of friends, and josh, and because he's doing what i want to do. what i claim as my passion. i have no basis for my beliefs that i'd been worth anything as a film score composer. and i have a nagging urge to delve into the pasts of current blockbuster names and find out what kept them going. where they started. how they found success. their formulas which made them famous.
a few weeks ago i poo poo'd john williams' honorary degree and even his abilities as an artist, but Where Am I? i'm here, blogging away and fantasizing about my talents, freshly enrolled at the local junior college, and reluctant to play or even practice piano. i am finding a great deal to relate to in bernhard's the loser, and, frankly, i'm terrified! i cling deeply and desperately to a small theme i dreamed up in high school after reading dickens' great expections and inspiration from michael nyman's soundtrack to the piano. i mix the percussive repetitiveness of john adams' chairman dances with the rich colors and unexpected key changes & chord progressions of m. debussey. however, i don't write a drop of it down. so, most of it is a one time performance which melts away in the silence which follows the creative spurt. i have no clue how to orchestrate. and, were it not for the encouragement of my coworkers, there is no way i would be braving speech 1 this semester. i've dreaded that class as much or more than math.
I'm Not Giving Up. i want very much to be involved in music. i feel it course through my veins as i hack away here with beethoven's symphony no.7, 2nd movement, spinning in the foreground on the ol' itunes player. it is enough of a passion that is tattooed onto my flesh. i believe i do have a God given gift, but it's a big, scary, intimidating world out there and i'm so anxious about It. i'm so nervous about failure or rejection or success or just going nowhere with this life i have and i know it's so horribly awfully silly of me to have such a self-whatever-ing view of the world. still, it's what i'm feeling, experiencing, facing, coping with right now. i reread my words and shake my head and grin at what appears to be such childish angst. so unattractive in my late 20's here.
ah, well, let's be honest....
a few weeks ago i poo poo'd john williams' honorary degree and even his abilities as an artist, but Where Am I? i'm here, blogging away and fantasizing about my talents, freshly enrolled at the local junior college, and reluctant to play or even practice piano. i am finding a great deal to relate to in bernhard's the loser, and, frankly, i'm terrified! i cling deeply and desperately to a small theme i dreamed up in high school after reading dickens' great expections and inspiration from michael nyman's soundtrack to the piano. i mix the percussive repetitiveness of john adams' chairman dances with the rich colors and unexpected key changes & chord progressions of m. debussey. however, i don't write a drop of it down. so, most of it is a one time performance which melts away in the silence which follows the creative spurt. i have no clue how to orchestrate. and, were it not for the encouragement of my coworkers, there is no way i would be braving speech 1 this semester. i've dreaded that class as much or more than math.
I'm Not Giving Up. i want very much to be involved in music. i feel it course through my veins as i hack away here with beethoven's symphony no.7, 2nd movement, spinning in the foreground on the ol' itunes player. it is enough of a passion that is tattooed onto my flesh. i believe i do have a God given gift, but it's a big, scary, intimidating world out there and i'm so anxious about It. i'm so nervous about failure or rejection or success or just going nowhere with this life i have and i know it's so horribly awfully silly of me to have such a self-whatever-ing view of the world. still, it's what i'm feeling, experiencing, facing, coping with right now. i reread my words and shake my head and grin at what appears to be such childish angst. so unattractive in my late 20's here.
ah, well, let's be honest....
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