::"debt free by 28"::

i went to nathan cistone's funeral today. or, as it was aptly called, a celebration of nathan's life. this will be the second service i've attended within a three month period. i sit here wondering when it's going to sink in. not only the finality of death, but its untimeliness. death is never late, most would tend to agree. instead, it robs us of loved ones way too soon. before we have a chance to act. to change. to experience. to live differently than we are now. if you knew you were going to die, what would you change about your life? wake up! you are already dying, so don't wait another minute!

while it's eerie to write this dissertation on what i'm going through, i find it helpful & certainly appreciate the chance to unload on the Reader, friend or stranger alike. i thank you for humoring me.

what's hitting me like a ton of bricks, apart from the grief i'm experiencing & the sadness i'm surrounded by as friends mourn the passing of a truly inspired & motivated individual, is that whole "we were the same age" phenomena. this is truly something i didn't expect to experience until, say, my forties or fifties. not that i would be expecting death at that time, however, it certainly seems more likely than now, when i'm only 27.

i feel pressed to act. when josh lost his good friend rick about 7 years ago (shortly after we met), he vowed to record more music. he has. i'm wondering if i can be so motivated to act upon the fears and the desires which lie deep in my heart. i want to write more. i want to complain less. i want to love my friends more. i want to make my life more meaningful. i suppose that might sound superficial, however, it started off as "i want to feel as though my life is more meaningful." --which is different, you see.

nathan was hugely motivated, hence the titling of this post. his aunt shared a beautiful & touching recollection of how she & nate's brother were sorting through his things in his efficiency up in the bay area. all throughout his home were inspirational/motivational quotes (that being one of them), pictures of his friends & family, and the bare essentials for living. he was involved with his community & his church. he wasn't afraid to be himself: how often do we live our lives in fear of what other's think? nathan was fearless. he had some struggles, but he overcame them and was so giving.

i'm so thankful to have known him.

...................................................................

in memorium scholarship fund

music was very important to nathan. he learned to play the violin, cello, saxophone, trombone, tuba, piano, and trumpet (many self-taught). his life was enriched beyond the elementary grades through music; for example, teaching him discipline. because of his love for music, the family has decided to set up a scholarship fund to focus on elementary school children whose families might not be able to afford to rent or purchase musical instruments.

please make checks payable to:
SVEF - The Cistone Family Music Fund

mailing address is:
The Cistone Family Music Fund
Saddleback Valley Educational Foundation
25631 Peter A. Hartman Way
Mission Viejo, CA 92691