::(insert title here)::

before leaving the house, i checked my email. in it, i learned that our uncle daryl passed away last night. once again, the numbness hits. as does the regret: too little, too late. there's just so little time here. and we get so busy, so caught up in our personal affairs, that we neglect to spend time with the ones we love. daryl was a wonderful man. and he loved our aunt laurie so much. she was truly the happiest i have seen her with him. i say that having only known her since the time i was ushered in to josh's family, which happened long before we were married. aunt laurie had less time with daryl than i have had with josh, which makes me cringe. what did i do to be so lucky? why do i deserve such kind treatment? honestly, it's life. i'm not in charge. i wish there was a way i could have extended their time together, though. again, they loved each other so much. i'm not in the frame of mind to delve in the "why's?" and the "it's not fair", not right now. no, not right now. but i'm at war with myself right now, not God. i wish i could go back in time. but again, it's not too late to start with the family and friends i still have in my life. and that's where i need to be, that's what i need to channel my energy into.

in unrelated news, i was late for work again today. i feel so stupid.