::company funnies::

Just wanted to give you a quick update regarding the ASP email
situation:

Apparently a small group of gnomes has set up camp inside the web
server and have grown increasingly hostile over the past few days.
They've murdered the hamster that was already inside the server and
have taken his wheel and converted it to a shrine for Papa Smurf, thus
rendering the server without a source of power. Initial reports show
gruesome photos of the hamster being roasted over the CPU fan.

A specialized covert team will be sent in later today to neutralize
the threat of the gnomes, and negotiate re-location to another
computer.

I'll let you know when I have more information.


-Randy

::put a muzzle on 'im::

poor monty. they have to put a muzzle on him @ the vet's office. he received an injection of depo on saturday and his asthma has calmed down completely-- what a relief! gosh, i love my cats!

this weekend was busy. celebrated my sister's birthday (actually it was on monday) and she stayed at our house saturday night. sunday we hit the teppan room @ new shogun in mission viejo. very yummy, even though our chef was quiet as a mouse the entire time he deftly prepared the meal.

in the past week, 2 people have been laid off from The Company and i'm finding myself very grateful to be receiving my paycheck. very humbled, as well. if anybody else gets laid off, we will all suffer an exponential loss as those remaining are really at the heart of The Company. very smart, very able-bodied, very excellent. i wouldn't envy BBL needing to make such a decision.

lots of running around this week, but by God's grace i have been up & energized. it's what i pray for, to be able to meet the needs of my family & the expectations of others around me (in work relationships & my friendships). i still break down at times (well, once, yesterday: i made a mistake at work and just really chastized myself for the oversight) but i find coworkers wonderfully understanding and supportive. it's about time i got something good out of this 8+ hours a day thing!

lost the bids for garfield videos on ebay--willingly. maybe they'll come out with the dvd in a while. ...

::saturday morning tv::

if my life were a tv show, it would be way more exciting than saturday morning tv. today i take my monty in to the vet because he's having yet another run in with his asthma. i don't envy the veterinarian that will be doing the examination as monty has warnings all over his chart. normally we see dr. mckee, but today it's dr. meinert. sheesh. i really don't envy her.

this morning i bid, via ebay, on 2 garfield cartoons of old: garfield on the town and here comes garfield. i'm vicariously reliving my youth through these movies. too bad they aren't on dvd! i am also reminded that i would like to purchase gay purr-ee featuring the voice of judy garland and the last unicorn which actually features angela lansbury and jeff bridges as some of the voices. and, who could forget, the incredible soundtrack by that band, america. ::whew::

::poetry::

last night
south west
fly home
neighbor writes
i glance
conspicuously read
he writes
closes eyes
trying to
see truth
secretly smile
hear hearts
beating beating
trying finding
meaning meaning
in this crazy, topsy-turvy, world

::stories i tell::

i am the same. i am still the sensitive little girl i have always been. and people can still make me cry with one look or one harsh word. such demeanor does not bode well for me in my present job. BBL (big boss lady)lashes out at any given moment without a second thought with Her Thick British Disposition and dim grasp of manners. i break under the pressure so easily that it's almost silly. i have been here nearly one year and given loads more responsibility than i ever intended to take at my unchanging pay scale and job description. i have been happy, frustrated, challenged, disappointed, increasing in knowledge, depressed, stretched, pulled in different directions, wearer of several hats, pushed to my breaking point, criticized, in love with my job, lacking in support, switched around, jumped on, twisted, squeezed, and hung out to dry. and i'm not sure if this means i'm ready to just walk away in desire of something that can make me happier and pay me a little more money. i think i have peaked here and i fear true growth (in position and compensation) lies somewhere outside of another year -- that i might not be willing to stick around for. i hate feeling drained at the end of the day. i want my energy, my earnestness, back. i don't want to fight anymore. i hate arguing. i hate feeling bad. i hate feeling bad because of a situation that i voluntarily subject myself to on a weekly basis. i despise the job that caused my TMJ to flare up, put me on nexium, and guilts me into thinking i can't accomplish anything in management because i am not thick skinned. i do not believe that. i do not believe God would make me a tender, sensitive soul in some desire to frustrate me to the point of tears, but i do think that He has done it so i might have the sense to recognize when i'm in a position that i ought not be in. this is the state i'm in.

i know the waterworks won't help any, but it relieves the tension that tends to build inside my heart. thanks mom & dad (:)

::almost::

surely yesterday was the most frightening moment of my life and it left me exhausted as we bused it to haight for breakfast at the squat & gobble. i stepped on the street to cross & meet josh as soon as the green hand gave the signal and after waiting a beat and glancing to the right. a single stride landed me on the road in time for a car to zoom from my left. somehow my other leg was not extended to make the next stride toward my ultimate goal across the way. in my state of shock, all i could do is hold both hands over my mouth as i continued on my path across market in a daze.
in the immediate wake of such a close call, i found my eyes welling up with tears and my demeanor strangely calm. it seemed as though all the meanness & bitterness had just been vaccuumed from my body. it's a feeling i desire to cling to, as i realize how much of that creeps into my attitude toward life. it's sickening.

::the hours::

oh, the hours tick by painfully slow. i am coming down off the morning's adrenaline rush c/o starbucks, where earlier my grande single shot mocha had such blinding affects on my mood that my face wore a permanent & suspicious grin which annoyed all of my coworkers. One described it as "you look like you just got caught with your hand in the cookie jar!". well, i'm just really, really excited about our trip.

::deux::

preparations are not my strong suit. i sit here, anxiety-filled, typing this because i have just paid about 5 bills and i realize how much i hate bills. but knowing that everything is set to go into the mail on monday while i am kicking it with my josh in the City, well, that suits me just fine. i still have laundry to do, and a dawdled at old navy. i have much to write to adrienne so she can care for the cats and ohmygosh i think the garage door is still open and we forgot it was trash day (ew!). thankfully josh & i aren't very trashy people, even for white-folk, so we'll survive if we double-up once and again. ha ha. i made a funny!

::party's just begun::

sigh. dan and joanne leave this weekend and tonight is the last night we will be seeing them in california. next time, it will be part of a visit to las vegas. dan was one of josh's groomsmen at our wedding and has been a long-time musician-friend and friend-friend. joanne and i have been acquaintences through our husbands' friendship over the years, but never as close as i think i had hoped.
also, tonight is the last night to clean house/wash laundry/pack for san francisco. i am going to have such a difficult time working tomorrow!!! had a wacky dream last night. something about getting to our hotel and inquiring about an upgrade, only to learn that it was already handled and we found ourselves in a two-room suite! i know this is not possible, but obviously my heart is already on vacation. wheeeee!

::countdown::

kudos to blogger for posting this site on blogs of note. yesterday's picture immediately went on my desktop at work as i look forward to vacation. ummmm.... dreamy!

today i received my pottery barn chenille duvet c/o the winning bid on ebay. woo hoo! very excited. aside from the fact that it requires dry cleaning to rid it of the smoker's stench... well, it is beautiful and brand new & will look beautiful on our bed. it will require much keeping up with because of the cats (as i consider having them shaved...) but considering the price, i am quite happy with it.

late day at work because of mid-month funding. oh how we all get wacky as the day goes on: i love it! Fledgling Company rocks. as do all my coworkers.

time for a light snack before bedtime. gotta love chinese food... did i say light? rereading i see this is a rather pointless blog, however, some days don't accomplish as much as others... it's just time to RELAX.

shout out to "amers" though: Happy Birthday, Amy! can you believe we've know each other this long??? just goes to support yesterday's thoughts. i am so grateful for your friendship....

::it's been how long???::

yes, happily i am reunited with long time pal, adrienne. over tacos @ wahoo's, we catch up on her year in Europe (mostly london, england) and my first year of married life. what i can truly appreciate about all of this is how, despite my lack of contact while she was away, it feels as though we are picking up right where we left off, and that is just amazing. truly this is how friendship should be. everyone should be so lucky. and i am many times blessed as i still have a large handful of friends from high school who i call friends, even after all these years. :)

lucky me....

:: here i go! ::

whew! what an incredibly eventful day. i wish it hadn't been! it's been a complete blur and not one bit of housework was done. is that all that matters? no....

i did 2 signings today, and wrestled with the Dealership in between. i love my car, don't get me wrong, but, well, i've been in doubt of their capabilities lately. today was a horrifying confirmation of my fears. waiting to pick up my car, i had a cordial conversation with the man behind the counter and shared my displeasure with one of the service reps there. he gave me some information on who to write to and i gave him a sample of what i have been through. much apologizing ensued and he told me that i could come to him whenever i needed anything. wonderful! then i waited outside for my car.

and, waited. finally the Nice Gentleman comes outside and, noticing that i am patiently awaiting my vehicle, starts to put some fire under the pants of the service techs who are surprised to see me still waiting. they look at my ticket, ask for the color of my car (grey) and look, absently, for my car.

finally, 2 cars come out from the back consecutively. the second one is mine. yeah! my arms are full and it's 85o even in the shade, and i'm anxious to make my next appointment in time. the service tech parks. the car in front of him has pulled forward, passing the desired mark, and proceedes to back up. i watch in horror, hearing the driver of MYcar honking MYhorn in alarm. i hear a ::crunch:: and my heart sinks. the cd case and press kit for one of their newest cars drop from my hands. in slow-motion, i am at my car, and the other driver has already pulled away, sparing me from the awful sight of an indented bumper. shocked, i turn to the area where i have just come and Nice Gentleman has stepped from the air-conditioned building, alerted by the noise of MYhorn. "He hit my car!" is all i could say. He approaches to examine the damage.

it is minor. a scrape. but my heart sinks. this car is still my baby and brand new. flustered, i make my way to the bathroom. the Dealership is taking her to "the back" to try and clean her up. a girl who witnessed the whole thing comes into the bathroom to see how i am. she offers to get me chocolate. i tell her i am fine.

what a day!