thanks a latte

ah, the college life. i could go for one of these lattes right about now. and a good massage. this week has been instense, twisting my sensibilities hither & thither until i wonder how i can see past the immediate wall of difficulty in my way between spring & summer. 

work, actually, is not the issue. even with recent changes happening so abruptly and the need for some adjustments in my schedule, it's been a positive change. today what hit me hard in between my first and last class was just how unbalanced i feel, and how frustrated i am at allowing myself to get behind in my reading. i look forward to the daily goings on in french: mon professeur est toujours heureux! her cheerfulness is infectious, but i can't seem to carry it with me beyond the classroom. 

altogether, i think the general feeling of disorganization is taking a bit of a toll on my psyche. it hit like a wave this afternoon, yet i can proudly say that the wave has receded and, a little bit drenched from the water, i'm still here and ready to proceed. 

blah blah blah. now wasn't that exciting? i'll try to be less ambiguous in the future. i just really needed an excuse to show off this cool picture.



yesterday was my last day at the office i've been at for two and a half years. i knew this after i walked in the door and looked at the note taped to my monitor...

i awoke to music from "amelie" this morning, and it's hit me in some sort of mystical haze that my life is full of ceaseless possibility. oh, poppycock! the haze was actually conjunctivitis clouding my vision from an evening of intense allergy attacks (how ever did i make the blurred drive home from long beach last night?). but the possibilities? well, those are always there. so, here's the skinny or, where it's at: monday i start at the new office. i continue piano lessons. i audition and am accepted into the music program at uci for, say, fall of 2007. i finally quit because i begin teaching piano privately and have this dreamy flexible schedule. i complete my major requirements in one year and still graduate in the spring of 2008 with a BA in English and a BM in Music Composition. from there, really, aren't there so many paths to diverge on? i've managed to combine my two loves. and i've still tossed around the idea now & again about piano perfermance, but we'll know more at the end of the year where to go with that.

in the meantime, i've woken up feeling full of hope, though the sudden shift of events has it lined with sadness, i believe indeed i must hold to my parting promises. ann, we will go to dinner, i will come to the baby shower, and myvan & i will go to anjin. and i will insist on one day off for the weekend to spend with my josh. and we will go to oxford & london this august. somehow, someway...i shall know for certain on monday. 

the soundtrack to amelie is so magical: the accordion, the piano, the theme...they all melt into this brilliant composition that invokes my spirits to soar!


the short list

1. funny thing about #61: i've grown my hair long enough to extract pigtails, which i wore today in all their stumpy glory. if they were any longer, it might start to look childish (as if it doesn't already?). reader, you deserve a picture, but i'm too lazy after a full day of school and my early morning pilates session. another one bites the dust--w00t! 
picture now available!

2. i saw a fellow student riding his, uhHUM, uni-cycle to class earlier this week. i followed him down the hall as he wheeled it into his classroom. all i can say...HUMMMMMMph. it was a rather surreal experience when i passed him again in middle earth (the park at the heart of uci): he was chatting up a friend and pushing it along as they walked. surely a moment that could have been extracted from amelie, it had that sort of flare.

3. someone has taken to chalking up various surfaces on campus with the words "YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL" and each time i read it, i felt a little better.


extraordinary machine

so everything is in flux as i've been trying to, i suppose, get into it with the new year, new life, new school, new piano lessons, new schedule. it's as though everything's been in flux and i'll admit even now my post'll make little sense since i'm ever scatter-brained at 100 mph. this has been the year of flux-uation, and i'm trying to find my rythmn in life and it's so challenging and frightening. bit by bit i'm putting frustrations behind me, but indeed it is a slow and painful process. you're reading this though, and so dear reader, i will aim to keep you entertained in spite of long silences.

some know i've had a love/hate relation with work in recent months as, of course, i attempt to find balance in my life with all aspects in equal portions. ha! well, part of that included turning in my resignation yesterday. and, friends, this is where i truly believe God acts & moves in mysterious & awesome ways: what follows was nothing short of miraculous. in a haze of doubt and nervousness, i took my lunch break al-fresco, sweating it out in the rain as erin & i talked shop about the restaurant biz in a sort of how-to for dummies (me, the dummy). our call ended with my feeling more foolish then ever and "what on earth am i getting myself into" clouded my thoughts as my stomach continued to churn and i continued to sweat despite the cold. HOWever, within 3 hours of my letter of resignation finding its way into the hands of my manager, the Regional Manager walked through our office door in casual attire and i was escorted into an "exit interview". my shock quickly dissipated as it turned into "what can we do to keep you with the company?" enter New Shock. and an amazing feeling of gratitude and pride as i felt a Truly Valued Employee. quite unexpected as i'd left the company once before (3.5 years ago) and nary an eye was batted my direction. so, i'm staying. after all, i've already established myself in this "career", and i'd be complicating things to attempt a career change to waiting tables before my graduation, upon which i expect to begin another career as a teacher. i mean, what on earth was i thinking? (just one thought i had as i pondered erin's words of wisdom) 

Regional Manager promises to resolve things to my satisfaction quickly, but i'm to keep this under wraps until such decision is executed (hence the delay in publishing this post--some coworkers read my blog). there is a strange backstory here about interviewing for transfer to another office and balls getting dropped left and right, but that is neither here nor there at this point). 

apart from this, school is in full swing and so far much more mild-mannered than the previous quarter. i find myself run down though and this past week my fingers barely brushed the piano keys. i must find practice rooms on campus that i can sneak myself in to. oh! and i must bring up that we saw elbow at the avalon in hollywood last week and they were so incredible. the sound was perfect, the band was mind-blowing, and the venue entered into my top three. if you haven't heard of elbow, check it out. you won't be disappointed. 

the life is an extraordinary machine (so is fiona apple). i'm amazed at every turn, every day that goes by that i'm doing it: i'm living this dream and i've got a wonderfully loving & supporting man to share in the pleasures & the pain of it all, who doesn't begrudge the difficulties but stands at my side regardless of the mood i'm in. by no means is it easy, but surely this life is good.