june 2003 archive

Saturday, June 21, 2003

::it's coming::

the plan, that is. slowly forming in the back of my mind over the past week. in theory, now, it is getting perfected & reworked. and since i'm feeling somewhat guilty for not spoiling my parents with the news first, i will wait to post my well-intentioned thoughts. till then....

after a day of r & r (IS it summer? it's dreadfully overcast here in so-cal) josh & i are off to the gypsy den to meet friends and hear good music c/o sas. ::sigh:: it's off to drive the jetta (i was thinking previa--is that crazy? it's horrible to be so nostaligic over an old car, isn't it?) up to costa mesa.

harry potter book 5 is out: woo hoo! i've read 1-4 in the past 8 weeks and i'm biding my time for this one.... lord of the rings was on hold, but i've picked it up again. ummm. love those books!


Sunday, June 15, 2003

::words of wisdom?::

the wall by the booth we sat in today at wahoo's provided some much appreciated wisdom which i think is all too quickly forgotten these days. it is 8:30 and happily, i sit in front of my computer in my pj's and write while listening to Josh Rouse. oh! my point: the wall said "Yesterday is the past, Tomorrow is the future, Today is a gift, that is why it is the Present". of course, the wall also said "I love Kellie", but that isn't my point--i don't spend my days seeking wise words inscribed on the surfaces right in front of me. normally, however, i spend a great deal of time mulling over various thoughts in my head and i wait to be inspired by something. or i listen to music and hope for some miraculous insight into my life and where i might be going. i am 26 and it has been ages since high school. i have more than i need, but not all that i want. spoiled brat of the orange curtain, aka orange county, i know far less about what it means to be alive and kicking than the man i saw on the street in santa ana who was walking back to his corner with his cardboard sign. dressed unusually hot for the weather, in my opinion, i wonder if the homeless even notice the temperature in the air. i see this on my lunch break as i go to the post office in my brand new car which i park far away from the other 4 cars in the parking lot. according to the map which i printed off the internet before i left to take my break and run much needed errands, i am only 4 miles from my office in sunny, sophisticated, high-tech irvine. the second dawning of the silicon valley, if you will. and my mind races with where i need to go next and i focus intensely on my immediate needs and the man is forgotten.

today is "un cadeau" but do i treat it so? i wake up at 8. josh is already getting dressed. we meet his folks for a father's day breakfast and there is mild fretting as things do not arrive in a timely manner. the server, young, smiles and offers her best. but i think she could do better. so does everyone else. later, up at his parents house, cards & presents are opened and i fall asleep on the overstuffed leather chair for at least 2 hours. i wake up as josh rubs my back and then find myself anxious to leave and to "do something" as more than half the day has passed. i don't feel too guilty, though, as i am not the only one who passed out in the family room on the overstuffed furniture. and, glazing over the phone call to my dad around 4pm, snacks at wahoo's, and an hour in the music department at barnes & noble listening to the new radiohead and annie lennox albums, i find myself here. we have watched monty python's quest for the holy grail. and, currently, i am feeling moderately guilty as josh can be heard cleaning the kitchen as i type away. i will share this with him later and there will be compliments, which is nice. i aim to be creative with my words and for my thoughts to be expressed clearly and he has yet to criticize even my most tedious compositions. how awesome is that??? still, in the end, in the grand scheme of things, not a whole lot of anything has been accomplished. i don't feel BAD, but i don't feel particularly GOOD either. what is it with this unearthly feeling that i should be doing something else? and, what is it?

i think it is time to formulate a plan.