4.30.2004

april 2004 archive

Thursday, April 29, 2004

::fun with words::

recently (aka today) it was necessary to look up the definition of woot. say it! it is, o, so much fun. it is a favorable word, and among some 37 definitions, i skipped to the last page for this one:
woot
believed to have originated in the early days of online quake; when many people got in a group and jumped, it produced a "woot" noise.
quake player 1: lets jump around
quake player 2,3,4,5,6,7,8: ok
*woot noise*

umm...what fun!

also, for your entertainment pleasure, i bring you enrgish.com. enjroy! [sic]

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

::quoi?::

come again? google is so unforgiving and unflattering. the current search for furiousmuse returns this abbreviated excerpt:

"::curious furiosities::
:: furiousmuse :: 13 April 2004. ...
and i have the bird crap to prove it.
go figure. posted by ::furiousmuse::
at 9:50:23 PM. 12 April 2004. ...
www.furiousmuse.com/ - 17k - Cached - Similar pages"

could they have done just slightly better? at any rate, i was doing this because i was trying to figure out how m. shrimphead found out that i linked to him via yesterday's post! (maybe i'll get lucky and a little birdie will let me know???) but anyhow, it is always very cool to find one's self discovered amidst the millions on this vast "superinformation highway" we call the web. hummm.

and, no, for those of you on pins & needles, i have not heard back from the association concerning my submission of plans for final approval. they met a week ago today. my patience is waning....

Monday, April 26, 2004

::secret world::

no, it's not peter gabriel. it's even bigger. where else could this come from but texas?

"The Society gained international recognition in December 1998 when it challenged Ann Landers for discouraging people from writing happy holiday newsletter [sic] to enclose with their holiday cards.

Since then the Society has:

-Announced the Ten Happiest Events and Moments of 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001 and 2002
-Identified theTwenty-One Types of Happiness
-Declared August and August 8th as Admit You're Happy Month and Day
-Organized voting for the Happiest Events, Inventions, and Social Changes of the Century
-Declared January 19-25, 2003 as first Hunt for Happiness Week
-Presented the first Happy Campaign Trails Award in November 2002
-More than 1.5 million people have contacted the Society through the web site and snail mail
-More than 6,000 people have become Not-So-Secretly Happy Members
-Currently there are 31 Secret Society of Happy People Chapters."


in addition, i stumbled upon this site on the list of recently published blogs. once you find the bits that are in english, it becomes more and more hilarious.

Wednesday, April 21, 2004

::lunch break::

today at lunch at carlos mexican restaurant (ummm...mexican food!) i was seated at a table for 4, where one chair was being occupied by a guy from an adjoining table so he could chat with a girl at a neighboring table. and, i thus decided to write my latest entry. i wonder if they detect that i am observing them? i think they are talking about jobs and religion. it's interesting, and mildly entertaining as i didn't bring anything to read. obviously, by their demeanor (she offers him a warm tortilla, he politely declines) that they were just acquainted a few short moments before i entered the restaurant. a few minutes later, she offers again, trying to be extra cordial. it is amusing. it is cute. everybody say, "awwww!"

the conversation has progressed to the removal of wisdom teeth and varied dental procedures. i missed the transition somehow, and it feels awkward.

he gets up, half falling on his nervousness, to go to his car. he has to get something...a card? a pen? what is she thinking? left to herself, she digests his conversation, his looks, his being, and another corn tortilla. he returns shortly, pen in hand.

i catch snipits of their words:
"i can't speak it, but i can cook it!" (him)
"...in the south of france." (her)

it is undeniably bizarre. there is an exchange of information (meet kevin & erin) and numbers (i assume). they are oblivious of my eavesdropping! their attire is thus: him, shorts, sandals, and a long-sleeved shirt and a cloth fisherman's hat; her, grey sweats and a comical broad-rimmed straw hat.

and, for some strange reason, watching them fumble their (somewhat) quiet introductions, i think of terrible "reality" based tv shows, namely blind date and 5th wheel, and i am all the more horrified at today's wide world of dating. these chance encounters are much more interesting, and it's not really about who is going to go home with whom at the end of the show. phew!

Saturday, April 17, 2004

::saturday funnies::

Too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."

*****************************

On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."

*******************************

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane"

*****************************

"Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

*******************************

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

*********************************

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."

**********************************

From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight 245 to Tampa. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and,
if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised.

**********************************

this was sent to me from my mom-in-law today--right in the nick of time! :)

Thursday, April 15, 2004

::tax day 2004::

happily, i no longer do my taxes. i'll take on all the housework if it means i never have to contemplate the meaning of 1099, dependents (what? my cats don't count?), w-2, and interest reporting. thank you, josh! although, since i left my former employer, i don't have to worry about 1099s because i was subsequently barred from their list of able-bodied orange county notaries because of my poor opinions of my bosses which were posted on my blog. whilst my bitterness melts over time, i still dream of resurrecting previous posts. still, it would be a bear to do properly, and i almost like that line of scrimmage in my life, as it signals a new beginning for me in many ways and i am proud of my decision to quit. others still staving away under the dictatorship of miss bossy-british-lady-without-an-uncritical-word-on-her-lips-can't-manage-worth-a-dime will all leave in their own time (be brave, girls!) and be much happier when they do. that is, if things continue on the path to destruction as they were when i left.

i'm still battling a headache at the moment. it has been with me since i woke this morning. left work early, though it's been difficult to sleep peacefully with the work going on outside. i woke up around 4 this afternoon from a nap with both cats hugging my legs. i love my monty and mango!

well, i'm going to work on getting some more food in me and more excedrin so i can kick this thing. after all, life wouldn't be the same if i didn't watch the 2 hour finale of the apprentice tonight!

Wednesday, April 14, 2004

::tonight::

yep, here i am. another battle with laziness and insomnia. sounds improbable, i know. but i'm lacking motivation to clean up around the house.

law & order is on, and still as excellent a program as it was 10 years ago, when i used to watch it with my dad. sadly, recent news in the paper tells of changes in the cast and who knows if the show will ever be the same without mr. jerry orbach. (dude! they just arrested the bad guy while he was at a book signing! awesome!)

the landscaping is nearing completion, which is very exciting. apparently we have inspired our nearly perfect neighbors to pursue their own improvements, and i signed off on their plans tonight. then i proceeded to warn them about our, er, association. their eyes grew large in amazement as i related my tales of 2 submissions and unofficial approval for the hardscape, hinging on my choice of pots and planter boxes. and lately, everyday after work is like a snapshot of extreme makeover home edition. everything in its final stages is just so amazingly beautiful. my eyes well up with joy at the sight of the amazing progress. in another week (or less) it will be complete!

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

::like a chain letter, only much more interesting::

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 23.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions.

my nearest book was, proudly, the sunset western garden book. i'm not even kidding you. i didn't even need to get off my chair!

" A manicured garden with a lawn and sheared shrubs is of little interest to birds, beneficial insects, or the host of other creatures that keep insect pests in check. "

i'll have you know birds are very interested in hopping around on the nearly finished, well manicured wall and pillars recently erected on our property. and i have the bird crap to prove it. go figure.

Monday, April 12, 2004

::it's your lucky day!::

because the funniest thing i wanted to share with you is DOWN right now, i will have to post this link in hopes that sometime in the not so distant future, it will come back up and you will all be as entertained as i was yesterday when mike brought it up at the family easter get together yesterday. i just about peed my pants. but enough of that.

it's still light out. the concrete they poured on saturday is still drying, and our a/c is hanging from a rope connected to a solid-looking 2x4 that is stretched between 2 walls on the side patio. extremely entertaining. i hope to have a picture up (um, josh?) in the next few days. i still haven't learned what to do after i take the digital picture. but then again, i haven't tried.

this morning at work was a disaster. i helped a customer with cashing a check, and when i requested a secondary form of id other than his driver license, he hands me a rather unofficial-looking laminated card with the words "I have brain damage!" in bright, red letters across the top. i looked at it and chuckled (customers have played jokes on me before and i had never seen a card like this). what a mistake! he told me it was real and i appologized, like a bumbling idiot. i explained that wasn't a form of id we normally accepted and did he have anything else. what a moron! i'm sorry, but who ever designed that card needed to do without the exclamation point.

and, who knows, i might just be that gullible.

(by the end of the post, the link was up. go command the chicken!)

Friday, April 09, 2004

::what is...?::

where else but at home can i watch/listen to jeopardy while blogging on my ibook...i love that our house is networked. happily i have come home from work to a great treat: a slideshow of our home and the progress we have made with landscaping! if you would like to see it, please email me and i will provide you with a link (if i haven't already emailed it to you).

with that, this is friday, and i am exhausted. don't think i'll get around to the saturday funnies this weekend, but i'll try to pick it up again next week. please send me something funny if you have it!

have a great weekend!

Thursday, April 08, 2004

::all figured out::

she's not the boss but she wishes she were. sometimes makes the rules up as she goes...it's not really the wrong way, but it's her way, and she's been doing it for a long time. she sometimes resents work, but she does it anyway 'cause in a few years, she'll retire, and then she'll have it all. she has a plan and it's going to work. because she planned it that way. she seems unsympathetic and unemotional most of the time, questioning the whole concept of femininity. not weakness, mind you, but the characteristics that most women have. the emotions. she won't budge a millimeter and she stands firm on her principles because they are hers and she clings intensely to her perseptions. she appears rude at times, but possibly it is carelessness. she has difficulty seeing human frailty and therefore is unable to respond to it. she is rushed and easily overwhelmed, but her composure is always businesslike all the time.

those who see her like this have difficulty picturing her as a grandmother. that is, until the moment a baby enters the office. she melts and gushes, like a snowcapped mountain on a warm spring day. a glimpse of the person she keeps under the surface rises to the top and she is brimming over with laughter and smiles. and, she becomes beautiful.

who is she?


this was started earlier and was supposed to be one in a series, but i have difficulty being inspired all the time. and, subjects are difficult to pick. if i could figure out how to link to my previous post, i'd do it. but, blegh! the end of the day is no time to be learning new html. one hint though: it's the only type of post i'll be putting in italics.

Wednesday, April 07, 2004

:: plumbing expert? help! ::

relevant searches are getting me no where this morning & i'm hoping someone will magically post a solution on my site by the end of tonight, otherwise my dad is going to be getting a phone call (it's too early right now!).

the problem is my pipes. with all the construction going on at home, i've noticed when they use our hose outside that there is a constant whining sound from within the house. and now i am hearing that whining for a few seconds after i shut off the tap (after it has run for a few seconds) or flush the toilet--upstairs or downstairs doesn't seem to matter.

any ideas/thoughts?


Monday, April 05, 2004

::still haven't found what i'm looking for::

still trying to find those perfect pots which will gain the approval of friends and family near and abroad. but, more importantly, i'm trying to win the approval of my #@*^$ association. i have discovered some lovely plastic pots which are decorative and appear, from a distance, to be stone or ceramic. but, amidst countless internet searches i have still been unable to locate that style in a planter box. i never dreamed something so seemingly simple would turn into such a terrible task! i have missed the 1st tuesday of the month deadline, but am regrouping in hopes of finding everything by the 19th. and, i'd like to correct them on one of their hideous lies: home depot does not carry pictures of their pots! i'm breaking out my digital camera and will be threatening you with low quality, low resolution photos printed on my hp deskjet 840c!!!! argh!!!

i feel much better now. thanks for entertaining my thoughts.

the landscaping will be beautiful once it is done, however. i was tickled today to find perfect sandstone bull-nose caps stretching across the length of my walls. whee!!!

Saturday, April 03, 2004

:: saturday funnies ::

things you'd never know if it weren't for the movies:

Large loft apartments in New York City are plentiful and affordable, even if the tenants are unemployed.

One of a pair of identical twins is always evil.

Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry about which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.

It doesn't matter if you are greatly outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts. Your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one, dancing around in a threatening manner until you have dispatched their predecessors.

When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible but slightly blue.

If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to be a world-famous expert on nuclear fission, dinosaurs, glyphics, or anything else, at the age of 22.

Honest and hard-working policemen are usually gunned down a day or two before retirement.

Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their enemies using complex machinery involving fuses, deadly gasses, lasers, buzz saws and hungry sharks, all of which will give their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

During all crime investigations, it is necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

All beds have special L-shaped covers that reach up to the armpits of a naked woman but only to the waist of the man lying beside her.

All grocery shopping bags contain at least one French bread and one bunch of carrots with leafy tops.

It's easy to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

If you are beautiful, your makeup never rubs off, even while scuba diving or fighting aliens. However if you are overweight, your mascara will run and your lipstick will smear.

The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there, and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.

You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it is not necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

A man will show no pain while taking the most horrific beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

If staying in a haunted house, women must investigate any strange noises in their most diaphanous underwear, which is what they happened to be wearing when the car broke down.

If someone says "I'll be right back," they won't.

Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel from time to time.

All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.

A police detective can only solve a case after he has been suspended from duty.

If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone around you will be able to mirror all the steps you come up with, and hear the music in your head.

Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure each is assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

******

Friday, April 02, 2004

::rant::

irresponsible pet owners!!! please bear in mind my bedtime is long overdue....

this morning's drama, so to speak, involved this fluffy white dog. no collar, no tags, but oh so cute, she made me 20 minutes late for work today. as the animal shelter 5 minutes down the road wouldn't take her because i didn't live in the same city, i ended up driving BACK home and put fluffy in the garage with a bowl of water & prayed that all of josh's music equipment would be, er, untouched when i returned.

insert 4 hours here.

i return home and open the garage door, and watch as fluffy pees on two neighbor's property (oh! she held it! good for her! josh will be relieved!) before racing to the opposite end of the block (across the street from where i found her). a woman stood outside with her 2 young boys and welcomed the dog as i half jogged to fluffy's home, following in her wake. the women had no idea the dog had been missing.

can i say, i'm not on a mission here to reform pet owners: you either care or you don't. plainly this women could not exert the same sort of care over her dog as she did for her children. and, on the grand scale, children are much more important. however, it just makes me outrageously insane with fiery hot anger, and, furious, about this sort of idiotic behavior. woman, in my opinion, you don't deserve that dog. but you must be doing something right if she knows where her home is....

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