october 2003 archive

Thursday, October 23, 2003

::fun at work::

many animals all together are:

a clowder of cats
an array of hedgehogs


Monday, October 20, 2003

::nowhere fast::

i'm swallowing a bitter pill right now. and it is unbelieveably painful. i'm still not sure what to thing of the person who dolled out this advice, unsolicitated, which has rocked my very foundation. i don't know if she realizes the affect it's having on me at this moment. how, in her desire to make me stronger, she has shaken me to the very core of who i am. this bird, so unreasonably sensitive, now tears up at nearly every thought. who's deep thinking & feeling cost her dearly today and she'll be paying for it in the months to come, unwillingly caught up in up in her little world of thought and losing track of the world around her. it was only a lunch hour!

i want to hate her, but i see the truth in her words and it scares me to pieces. what bothers me more is that it causes me to question why i am who i am and why i burden myself with all the bumps & bruises in life. how the little things can just bowl me over & leave me swimming in confusion, sadness, and disappointment. when will i see that it's not as bad as i deserve? where's my sense of appreciation???

Thursday, October 16, 2003

::9 more days::

yesterday was my parent's wedding anniversary

yesterday i got the call

yesterday i gave my 2 weeks here at the Company

yesterday i had lunch with jackie as we both coincidently ran into each
other at borders

yesterday i cut & coloured my hair (yes, mom, it's red again)

yesterday i had my eyebrows waxed for the first time (they are mostly
still there...)

yesterday i visited kim, fka "roomie"

yesterday i had incredible sushi at taka-o in san clemente: halibut!

yesterday josh got the new david bowie from apple.com

yesterday i breathed a sigh of relief, jumped for joy, and thanked God
for his awesome and swift provision of another job

Saturday, October 11, 2003

::saturday funnies::

These are excuse notes from parents (including original spelling) collected by schools from all over the country.

1. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.
2. Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
3. Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29,30, 31, 32, and also 33.
4. Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.
5. Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.
8. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.
9. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
10. Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
11. Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre) (dyrea) (direathe) the shits. [words in ()'s were crossed out.]
12. Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.
13. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
14. Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.
15. I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wear.
16. Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.
17. Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.
18. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.
19. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.
20. Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
21. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.
22. Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.
23. Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.
24. Please excuse little Jimmy for not being in school yesterday. His father is gone and I could not get him ready because I was in bed with the doctor.

Tuesday, October 07, 2003

::i'm in::

it's just a matter of time, hopefully days, before the official offer is
on the table. i got a call today from the bank AND the credit union within minutes of
each other. the latter is offering me a starting position, and i can't
afford to regress to that salary....

no turning back

||~~so excited~~||

Sunday, October 05, 2003

::music that's not as enjoyable to listen to::

...that would be the music that eminates from my car stereo. i am listening to music as i type away on the computer and it actually sounds GOOD> what a concept. for someone who loves to drive around and listen to awesome music this is a nightmare. i will be bringing my car in next week some time. they couldn't find anything about gain settings, and i don't know what to tell them. i'm not an expert on car stereos. i just know mine sounds like junk.

started to write today. didn't get much, but i'm satisfied with the start i've made:
i return home, turn on the computer, and relax in its pacifying hum. it is soothing and relaxing, like a lullaby. the computer has become a friend, of sorts. when i am hurt, it listens to my complaints, quietly taking the abuse i lay forth on the keys, it becomes the innocent bystander. taking it all in stride, it waits for me to procure poetry or prose, if i am willing to venture forth in that medium.

anne inspires me, though i only know her through her blog. on the other side of these united states, her writing projects an amazing and beautiful picture of an individual who is living life and writes her days in gorgeous, heartfelt prose. she is an artist, intriguing, suffering her days on this side of heaven with enormous wit and insight. her writing inspires me to write more, but i have yet to make such profound observations of life in this blog. certainly not with the consistency she does. go, anne!

again, leaving work puts me more & more at ease these days. i am praying for a swift transition as i believe that God has something else in store for me and i am not long for the Company. my work at the Company is coming to a close and it will be for the better of my health, my marriage, my life. it's as plain as that. i will not cry for the Company, as it will not cry for my loss. but it will continue to up the workload on the friends i leave behind. and i feel everyone is a friend. the thought of leaving (accompanied by the song that just started playing--my immortal by evanescence) starts my eyes watering. sandra tells me to take care of me, what a selfless statement! but i feel for those i abandon to BBL. i don't claim i can do the job better, but i do believe it can be done better than this. ... just spent about 15 minutes reading last year's posts from around this time, and i have to tell you, i am at a loss for words. i was on the run here as well and it took me 2 months to find a job. if only if only...i have to stop worrying. i have to just work with what i've got. i'm actually one of the lucky ones, considering the bank experience i have to fall back on.

Saturday, October 04, 2003

::saturday funnies::

thank you, sara!

1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set

2. A day without sunshine is like, night.

3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

4. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

5. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

6. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

7. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

8. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

9. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges

10. Honk if you love peace and quiet.

11. Remember half the people you know are below average.

12. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?

13. Nothing is fool-proof to a talented fool.

14. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

15. He who laughs last thinks slowest.

16. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

17. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

18. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

19. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

20. I intend to live forever - so far so good.

21. Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.

22. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

23. My mind is like a steel trap - rusty and illegal in 37 states.

24. Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.

25. The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

26. Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

27. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.

28. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

29. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

30. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

31. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

32. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks

33. Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

34. No one is listening until you make a mistake.

35. Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.

36. The colder the x-ray table the more of your body is required on it.

37. The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.

38. The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.

39. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

40. To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

41. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

42. You never really learn to get angry until you learn to drive.

43. Two wrongs are only the beginning.

44. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

45. The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.

46. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

47. Change is inevitable except from vending machines.

48. Get a new car for your spouse - it'll be a great trade!

49. Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.

50. Always try to be modest and be proud of it!

51. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

52. How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand...

53. Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.

54. If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you.

Wednesday, October 01, 2003

::so it begins::

such is the circle of life. once again i find myself looking forward to changes which, really, promise nothing. monday was a very milton day. and that was it. it was the last straw. one time too many of asking me to move my desk's contents to another location. it is reminiscent of the first year i lived on my own. i moved 7 times and lived with 5 different people. it was disruptive to my life & left me constantly on edge. i was frustrated by the bad arrangement i kept ending up in and it was so hard to try to just get by. i had no foundation, no rock to cling to. no place to lay my head and think, "ah, this is it! now i can relax..." since starting with this company, i have been moved 1,2,3,4,5,6...SIX?!?! times! now, in all of this, we as a company have moved twice. can someone explain this to me?

the bank and the credit union saw my pretty little face today and we'll let them fight over me and see who wins. at least i hope they'll fight over me. maybe just a little??? for the most part i'm really praying for a swift resolution of this so that i can relax. the anticipation alone has put me more at ease, and i know that the close of all the stress, all the blood, sweat, and many many tears, will soon be over. i'm not going to get paid enough in this slump we're experiencing to put up with this much pressure. i enjoy what i do, i enjoy the people i work with, but this, i'm seeing, may not be something i am cut out for. or, maybe this is a better way of putting it, i'm not meant to endure the moody, uncensored decision making that goes on in BBL's mind. again, please, it's not that i could never learn how to get along with BBL or even that i so dislike her as a person, rather, i just don't have the temperment to roll with it quite as easily as some other people do.

i wonder...am i chickening out?

you tell me....

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