5.30.2004

may 2004 archive

Monday, May 17, 2004

::asking meme::

in true copycat fashion, and because i am indeed duly intrigued by the idea seconded by kidchamp, i bring you this:

an asking meme, this time from douglas (adapted for the 'champ)(...and now furiousmuse):
If you're reading [furiousmuse] today or tomorrow, I'd like you to ask me something. Up to three questions, and anything goes--literally anything you want my answers to. I promise not to take offense at any questions, and to answer every one (either onsite, within the comments box, or by private mail) as well and honestly as I can.

emails can be directed to me through the link at the top, left hand side of this page (where it says email). or just use the comments box, cleverly entitled "curious thought(s)".

Sunday, May 16, 2004

::fcc'd::

so what's with the fcc, really? i'm really starting to get irritated with this whole issue. it started with janet jackson's costume malfunction (uhHUM, oh REALLY?) and now suddenly the fcc is deciding to retroactively enforce its brand of morality. like a sleeping giant awoken, it promises to retrofit our airwaves & cable televisions with all the purity of the 1950's. but what business ever turned down the idea of earning a little extra cash for the books? is the fcc a publicly traded company? sign me up!

fortunately i am not a fan of howard stern, and no i didn't watch the superbowl this year, so perhaps that makes me less informed than the average joe. but hasn't howard stern been toting his schtick for quite some time? and only now is the fcc coming down from the sky to lay forth its judgment? when will people take responsibility for what they watch and listen to? and for what they allow their kids to be subject to? even without the incident at the superbowl, what did you expect? a couple of hot, sexy rock stars on stage to behave themselves? to not tote all their goods in front of an audience of millions? to behave like "proper, god-fearing folk"?

allow me to clarify myself a little more here. while i often feel as though most movies i see these days could do without the gross amount of profanity and still manage to be extraordinarily brilliant and funny, (eg. the ladykillers and the big lebowski) i usually know what i'm in for before i subject myself to the content. and i won't blame the fcc. so why don't we just change the channel if we don't like what we see? or turn to another station if we don't like what we hear? why don't we take the responsibility for the content we allow in our lives and not allow the government to decide for us? see anything familiar here? while i wouldn't read some of those books based on the title alone, most of my generation read "to kill a mockingbird" and "the adventures of huckleberry finn" in high school! is this really where we want to go with all other mediums of communication?
"[I]t's not just the books under fire now that worry me. It is the books that will never be written. The books that will never be read. And all due to the fear of censorship. As always, young readers will be the real losers." - Judy Blume

Saturday, May 15, 2004

::improptu audioblog i::

just some random thoughts.

this is an audio post - click to play


c.2004, poor audio quality and all. all musical ideas are the sole property of furiousmuse.com so please do not use without permission.

::uga uga::

so i recently joined both friendster & classmates.com in hopes of doing i don't know what yet. emailed a couple of people who i think i would like to get back in touch with (and who will, with any luck, be interested in hearing from me!). it's way too late right now for me and i have to get up early tomorrow for work (sort of) so i've honestly no business in blogging right now, but here i am.

after finding all the friends i have (plus some) on friendster, i'm still not sure what to do with it. what am i waiting for? well, maybe there's just something reassuring about the page that, say, when i click on josh's picture (yet to be uploaded, it currently sports a giant "?"), says "josh is your friend". wow! really? i'm so glad that friendster can be so reaffirming. cause, you know, i wasn't sure. since we're married and all. well, what can i say. the sarcasm is flowing freely tonight...but i'm just being silly & a smart alec.

today is officially josh's birthday. right now. he's 28. wow. so OLD. (grins) well, aren't we all these days. happy birthday josh!

Wednesday, May 12, 2004

::banking and beyond::

Misunderstood bank phrases from misunderstood bank tellers

Do you want to put me away?
Is the top-half on?
Do you want to go check each other out in the vault?
Will you lock my bottom?
That’ll be good for you because it’ll make your little monkey work! (Linda)
We’re going to take one of these puppies and one of these puppies….
Do you stagnate your weekends? (customer)
I have to do my little scooby-doo thingy first. (paraphrased from Linda)

Tuesday, May 11, 2004

::is this thing on?::

this is an audio post - click to play

Monday, May 10, 2004

::songs of my life::

I didn't hear you leave, I wonder how am I still here,
I don't want to move a thing, it might change my memory
Oh I am what I am, I'll do what I want, but I can't hide
I won't go, I won't sleep, I can't breathe, until you're resting here with me
I won't leave, I can't hide, I cannot be, until you're resting here with me
I don't want to call my friends, they might wake me from this dream
And I can't leave this bed, risk forgetting all that's been
Oh I am what I am, I'll do what I want but I can't hide
I won't go, I won't sleep, I can't breathe until you're resting here with me
I won't leave, I can't hide, I cannot be, until you're resting here with me.

--dido, here with me
3 years ago, my cat, monty, ran away. i was devastated. i came home from work to discover the weakened screen in my roommate's bedroom was pushed aside. heart sinking, i walked outside into the darkness & called for him. the street lights blinked their silent testimony: he was no where to be found. and, it is amazing how songs, or albums, seep into your memory in such away that hearing them again. i heard dido's song recently and it threw me back in time to that very moment.

that night, i slept fitfully. on the floor in front of our screen door, i composed a makeshift bed of sofa cushions and waited for his arrival. josh had photoshopped a nice poster for me to distribute and i was at kinko's close to 6am to make copies. my eyes were red, puffy, & dry from lack of rest. my lunch break involved a trip to the animal shelter & very little, if any, lunch. after work was door-to-door visits throughout our neighborhood, to which i received a wide variety of responses ranging from indifference to heartfelt empathy. then there was an elderly lady who glanced at my stack of papers and, without allowing an explanation, exclaimed "i don't want any!" and slammed the door in my face. crushed, but relentless, i think i managed to leave one tucked somewhere in her doorway in hopes she might give me a second try. as the sun set that night, time stood still, my heart pooled up somewhere in my stomach. my first cat of my very own was gone. and i was so sad. so. sad.

that night, exhausted, i returned the cushions to their proper post on the couch and slept in my bed. the window was wide open. i kept my bed pushed against the wall by the window which looked over the stairs which led to our second story apartment. and, somewhere in the night, i awoke suddenly, imagining the soft meows of monty in my dreams. bug-eyed, i opened the front door and looked down the stairs, calling out for him. heart skipping and slipping into disappointment, i shut the door and stumbled into bed.

seconds...minutes...an unknown passing of time bore another meow.... blinking hard, awake, heart jumping in my chest, i flew softly out of my bed a second time and opened the door. to find. my precious, wonderful kitty! monty had nearly reached the halfway point up the stairs and i calmly called for him. i was so relieved. i hugged him tenderly, offered him food, and called josh to let him know. i think it was 2am. i was the happiest girl in the world at 2am.



and now i have two cats! meet mango & monty.

Sunday, May 09, 2004

::approved, with conditions::

well, as much as i absolutely freaked out when i opened the envelope from our association last night, it is a relatively small scale issue that we have to contend with and one with which i am trying desperately to forgive. say it with me: f-o-r-g-i-v-e. of the hundreds of landscaping plans they review every month, they manage to overlook one small issue which will require a FORTH submission for final approval and more work for them. a condition which, had they looked closely enough, is already satisfied. on the otherhand, i must admit that i have been thinking about planting something different in place of the box-leaf euonymus. so, perhaps it's not so bad after all.

i would like to have something profound to say here on mother's day, but i'll leave the thoughts for conversations & cards.

Saturday, May 08, 2004

::saturday funnies::

Cat Quiz

Humans:

Your cat waits and miaows at the front door when you arrive. Is it saying:
a) Welcome home
b) The phone rang twice while you were out
c) Feed me, NOW

Your cat miaows at the door when you go out. Is it saying:
a) Please don’t leave me here all alone
b) Goodbye
c) But what if I get hungry while you out?

Your cat digs its claws in your leg. Is this:
a) An unsupressed primal instinct
b) A sign of affection
c) A demand to be fed now

Your cat scratches at the door after being fed: Is it saying:
a) Lemme out - I need to use the garden
b) Wanna go out and play
c) Wonder what they’ve got to eat next door?

Cats:

Your human walks into the kitchen. Does this mean:
a) It’s hungry
b) It’s lost
c) You’re hungry

Your human puts down a bowl of food for you. Is this:
a) supper
b) something to keep you going till supper’s ready
c) inedible junk to be scorned in favour of what the human’s got.

Your human removes you from the top of the television. Does this mean:
a) You’re in trouble - better not do it again
b) Nothing - humans do this from time to time
c) The human wants to play, so climb up again to amuse it.

Staircases are for:
a) Getting up to the human’s bedroom at 4am
b) Lying in wait in the dark at the top of
c) Walking down just slower than the human in front of it.
d) all of the above

+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+

also funny, but way too large to post, the CAT user manual. hee hee!

Tuesday, May 04, 2004

::wire-less::

i must blog. because right now is a blogging opportunity which promises not to show itself again for a very long time. as i type this, i am currently at a salon, freshly encased in purple hair dye which promises to be a nice shade of red when the process is completed. and, i am LIVE on the WEB on josh's powerbook g4 (go apple!). how stinkin' cool is THAT? while i doubt the salon has given any thought to clients jumping on their wireless internet port, it's after 7pm and i just want to have fun.

work was better today. i've been experiencing a mild sort of irritation with certain policies which appear to stand only at the convenience of certain management people (person), i have to realize that where i was 6+ months ago would not be affording me the kind of freedom i am being allowed. although it involves giving up a few hours pay, i've got the afternoon off tomorrow which is extremely sweet. i am finally going to see my girlfriend whom i haven't seen for over 2 years. and, i am ridiculously excited about it. the guacamole @ taco loco doesn't stand a chance!

on the other side of the goings ons in my life, the committee meets today about the landscaping plans & we are praying for a final approval. we are, sadly, at their mercy. there are only a few more steps until completion, and i'm counting down to the day we can drag the bbq out (thank you, michelle-of-former-employer. i dedicate my first grilled steak to you).

in addition, we've recently booked our trip to new york city, much to the alarm of my parents. i'm exaggerating, of course, but admittedly nyc is much more intimidating than san francisco in my mind, and we've got that city down...so long as i can continue to avoid being run over by passing cars at crosswalks! your travel tips/experiences are welcome (hint hint).

oh! and it has recently been brought to my attention by one of my readers that they do not understand the concept of the "comments" area on furiousmuse. below each post, you will see the words "curious thoughts? / # curious thought(s). if you click on it, you can leave your thoughts. the webpage/email fields are not required. ... there you have it! time to go & play...

Monday, May 03, 2004

::all in a... yeah, whatever::

two very disturbing phrases spoken to me today at work by customers who really should know better, but don't.

pushing 100 degrees today, our office was a nice reprieve... but according to one lady, "as soon as i get home, the clothes are coming off!" uh HUM. i really didn't need to know that. thankyouverymuch!

and, after a very simple transaction which left me swimming in circles pondering the exact grasp i have of the english language and wondering what business i have trying to help people, she closes her checkbook, looks at me, and says, "so, what are you going to do with the rest of your life?" uh, really? what? stammering out a few polite remarks which satisfied her curiousity, she eventually deplaned from my teller window leaving me completely stupefied.

Saturday, May 01, 2004

::saturday funnies::

worst songs ever

what's YOUR vote?

4.30.2004

april 2004 archive

Thursday, April 29, 2004

::fun with words::

recently (aka today) it was necessary to look up the definition of woot. say it! it is, o, so much fun. it is a favorable word, and among some 37 definitions, i skipped to the last page for this one:
woot
believed to have originated in the early days of online quake; when many people got in a group and jumped, it produced a "woot" noise.
quake player 1: lets jump around
quake player 2,3,4,5,6,7,8: ok
*woot noise*

umm...what fun!

also, for your entertainment pleasure, i bring you enrgish.com. enjroy! [sic]

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

::quoi?::

come again? google is so unforgiving and unflattering. the current search for furiousmuse returns this abbreviated excerpt:

"::curious furiosities::
:: furiousmuse :: 13 April 2004. ...
and i have the bird crap to prove it.
go figure. posted by ::furiousmuse::
at 9:50:23 PM. 12 April 2004. ...
www.furiousmuse.com/ - 17k - Cached - Similar pages"

could they have done just slightly better? at any rate, i was doing this because i was trying to figure out how m. shrimphead found out that i linked to him via yesterday's post! (maybe i'll get lucky and a little birdie will let me know???) but anyhow, it is always very cool to find one's self discovered amidst the millions on this vast "superinformation highway" we call the web. hummm.

and, no, for those of you on pins & needles, i have not heard back from the association concerning my submission of plans for final approval. they met a week ago today. my patience is waning....

Monday, April 26, 2004

::secret world::

no, it's not peter gabriel. it's even bigger. where else could this come from but texas?

"The Society gained international recognition in December 1998 when it challenged Ann Landers for discouraging people from writing happy holiday newsletter [sic] to enclose with their holiday cards.

Since then the Society has:

-Announced the Ten Happiest Events and Moments of 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001 and 2002
-Identified theTwenty-One Types of Happiness
-Declared August and August 8th as Admit You're Happy Month and Day
-Organized voting for the Happiest Events, Inventions, and Social Changes of the Century
-Declared January 19-25, 2003 as first Hunt for Happiness Week
-Presented the first Happy Campaign Trails Award in November 2002
-More than 1.5 million people have contacted the Society through the web site and snail mail
-More than 6,000 people have become Not-So-Secretly Happy Members
-Currently there are 31 Secret Society of Happy People Chapters."


in addition, i stumbled upon this site on the list of recently published blogs. once you find the bits that are in english, it becomes more and more hilarious.

Wednesday, April 21, 2004

::lunch break::

today at lunch at carlos mexican restaurant (ummm...mexican food!) i was seated at a table for 4, where one chair was being occupied by a guy from an adjoining table so he could chat with a girl at a neighboring table. and, i thus decided to write my latest entry. i wonder if they detect that i am observing them? i think they are talking about jobs and religion. it's interesting, and mildly entertaining as i didn't bring anything to read. obviously, by their demeanor (she offers him a warm tortilla, he politely declines) that they were just acquainted a few short moments before i entered the restaurant. a few minutes later, she offers again, trying to be extra cordial. it is amusing. it is cute. everybody say, "awwww!"

the conversation has progressed to the removal of wisdom teeth and varied dental procedures. i missed the transition somehow, and it feels awkward.

he gets up, half falling on his nervousness, to go to his car. he has to get something...a card? a pen? what is she thinking? left to herself, she digests his conversation, his looks, his being, and another corn tortilla. he returns shortly, pen in hand.

i catch snipits of their words:
"i can't speak it, but i can cook it!" (him)
"...in the south of france." (her)

it is undeniably bizarre. there is an exchange of information (meet kevin & erin) and numbers (i assume). they are oblivious of my eavesdropping! their attire is thus: him, shorts, sandals, and a long-sleeved shirt and a cloth fisherman's hat; her, grey sweats and a comical broad-rimmed straw hat.

and, for some strange reason, watching them fumble their (somewhat) quiet introductions, i think of terrible "reality" based tv shows, namely blind date and 5th wheel, and i am all the more horrified at today's wide world of dating. these chance encounters are much more interesting, and it's not really about who is going to go home with whom at the end of the show. phew!

Saturday, April 17, 2004

::saturday funnies::

Too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."

*****************************

On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."

*******************************

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane"

*****************************

"Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

*******************************

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

*********************************

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."

**********************************

From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight 245 to Tampa. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and,
if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised.

**********************************

this was sent to me from my mom-in-law today--right in the nick of time! :)

Thursday, April 15, 2004

::tax day 2004::

happily, i no longer do my taxes. i'll take on all the housework if it means i never have to contemplate the meaning of 1099, dependents (what? my cats don't count?), w-2, and interest reporting. thank you, josh! although, since i left my former employer, i don't have to worry about 1099s because i was subsequently barred from their list of able-bodied orange county notaries because of my poor opinions of my bosses which were posted on my blog. whilst my bitterness melts over time, i still dream of resurrecting previous posts. still, it would be a bear to do properly, and i almost like that line of scrimmage in my life, as it signals a new beginning for me in many ways and i am proud of my decision to quit. others still staving away under the dictatorship of miss bossy-british-lady-without-an-uncritical-word-on-her-lips-can't-manage-worth-a-dime will all leave in their own time (be brave, girls!) and be much happier when they do. that is, if things continue on the path to destruction as they were when i left.

i'm still battling a headache at the moment. it has been with me since i woke this morning. left work early, though it's been difficult to sleep peacefully with the work going on outside. i woke up around 4 this afternoon from a nap with both cats hugging my legs. i love my monty and mango!

well, i'm going to work on getting some more food in me and more excedrin so i can kick this thing. after all, life wouldn't be the same if i didn't watch the 2 hour finale of the apprentice tonight!

Wednesday, April 14, 2004

::tonight::

yep, here i am. another battle with laziness and insomnia. sounds improbable, i know. but i'm lacking motivation to clean up around the house.

law & order is on, and still as excellent a program as it was 10 years ago, when i used to watch it with my dad. sadly, recent news in the paper tells of changes in the cast and who knows if the show will ever be the same without mr. jerry orbach. (dude! they just arrested the bad guy while he was at a book signing! awesome!)

the landscaping is nearing completion, which is very exciting. apparently we have inspired our nearly perfect neighbors to pursue their own improvements, and i signed off on their plans tonight. then i proceeded to warn them about our, er, association. their eyes grew large in amazement as i related my tales of 2 submissions and unofficial approval for the hardscape, hinging on my choice of pots and planter boxes. and lately, everyday after work is like a snapshot of extreme makeover home edition. everything in its final stages is just so amazingly beautiful. my eyes well up with joy at the sight of the amazing progress. in another week (or less) it will be complete!

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

::like a chain letter, only much more interesting::

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 23.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions.

my nearest book was, proudly, the sunset western garden book. i'm not even kidding you. i didn't even need to get off my chair!

" A manicured garden with a lawn and sheared shrubs is of little interest to birds, beneficial insects, or the host of other creatures that keep insect pests in check. "

i'll have you know birds are very interested in hopping around on the nearly finished, well manicured wall and pillars recently erected on our property. and i have the bird crap to prove it. go figure.

Monday, April 12, 2004

::it's your lucky day!::

because the funniest thing i wanted to share with you is DOWN right now, i will have to post this link in hopes that sometime in the not so distant future, it will come back up and you will all be as entertained as i was yesterday when mike brought it up at the family easter get together yesterday. i just about peed my pants. but enough of that.

it's still light out. the concrete they poured on saturday is still drying, and our a/c is hanging from a rope connected to a solid-looking 2x4 that is stretched between 2 walls on the side patio. extremely entertaining. i hope to have a picture up (um, josh?) in the next few days. i still haven't learned what to do after i take the digital picture. but then again, i haven't tried.

this morning at work was a disaster. i helped a customer with cashing a check, and when i requested a secondary form of id other than his driver license, he hands me a rather unofficial-looking laminated card with the words "I have brain damage!" in bright, red letters across the top. i looked at it and chuckled (customers have played jokes on me before and i had never seen a card like this). what a mistake! he told me it was real and i appologized, like a bumbling idiot. i explained that wasn't a form of id we normally accepted and did he have anything else. what a moron! i'm sorry, but who ever designed that card needed to do without the exclamation point.

and, who knows, i might just be that gullible.

(by the end of the post, the link was up. go command the chicken!)

Friday, April 09, 2004

::what is...?::

where else but at home can i watch/listen to jeopardy while blogging on my ibook...i love that our house is networked. happily i have come home from work to a great treat: a slideshow of our home and the progress we have made with landscaping! if you would like to see it, please email me and i will provide you with a link (if i haven't already emailed it to you).

with that, this is friday, and i am exhausted. don't think i'll get around to the saturday funnies this weekend, but i'll try to pick it up again next week. please send me something funny if you have it!

have a great weekend!

Thursday, April 08, 2004

::all figured out::

she's not the boss but she wishes she were. sometimes makes the rules up as she goes...it's not really the wrong way, but it's her way, and she's been doing it for a long time. she sometimes resents work, but she does it anyway 'cause in a few years, she'll retire, and then she'll have it all. she has a plan and it's going to work. because she planned it that way. she seems unsympathetic and unemotional most of the time, questioning the whole concept of femininity. not weakness, mind you, but the characteristics that most women have. the emotions. she won't budge a millimeter and she stands firm on her principles because they are hers and she clings intensely to her perseptions. she appears rude at times, but possibly it is carelessness. she has difficulty seeing human frailty and therefore is unable to respond to it. she is rushed and easily overwhelmed, but her composure is always businesslike all the time.

those who see her like this have difficulty picturing her as a grandmother. that is, until the moment a baby enters the office. she melts and gushes, like a snowcapped mountain on a warm spring day. a glimpse of the person she keeps under the surface rises to the top and she is brimming over with laughter and smiles. and, she becomes beautiful.

who is she?


this was started earlier and was supposed to be one in a series, but i have difficulty being inspired all the time. and, subjects are difficult to pick. if i could figure out how to link to my previous post, i'd do it. but, blegh! the end of the day is no time to be learning new html. one hint though: it's the only type of post i'll be putting in italics.

Wednesday, April 07, 2004

:: plumbing expert? help! ::

relevant searches are getting me no where this morning & i'm hoping someone will magically post a solution on my site by the end of tonight, otherwise my dad is going to be getting a phone call (it's too early right now!).

the problem is my pipes. with all the construction going on at home, i've noticed when they use our hose outside that there is a constant whining sound from within the house. and now i am hearing that whining for a few seconds after i shut off the tap (after it has run for a few seconds) or flush the toilet--upstairs or downstairs doesn't seem to matter.

any ideas/thoughts?


Monday, April 05, 2004

::still haven't found what i'm looking for::

still trying to find those perfect pots which will gain the approval of friends and family near and abroad. but, more importantly, i'm trying to win the approval of my #@*^$ association. i have discovered some lovely plastic pots which are decorative and appear, from a distance, to be stone or ceramic. but, amidst countless internet searches i have still been unable to locate that style in a planter box. i never dreamed something so seemingly simple would turn into such a terrible task! i have missed the 1st tuesday of the month deadline, but am regrouping in hopes of finding everything by the 19th. and, i'd like to correct them on one of their hideous lies: home depot does not carry pictures of their pots! i'm breaking out my digital camera and will be threatening you with low quality, low resolution photos printed on my hp deskjet 840c!!!! argh!!!

i feel much better now. thanks for entertaining my thoughts.

the landscaping will be beautiful once it is done, however. i was tickled today to find perfect sandstone bull-nose caps stretching across the length of my walls. whee!!!

Saturday, April 03, 2004

:: saturday funnies ::

things you'd never know if it weren't for the movies:

Large loft apartments in New York City are plentiful and affordable, even if the tenants are unemployed.

One of a pair of identical twins is always evil.

Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry about which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.

It doesn't matter if you are greatly outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts. Your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one, dancing around in a threatening manner until you have dispatched their predecessors.

When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible but slightly blue.

If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to be a world-famous expert on nuclear fission, dinosaurs, glyphics, or anything else, at the age of 22.

Honest and hard-working policemen are usually gunned down a day or two before retirement.

Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their enemies using complex machinery involving fuses, deadly gasses, lasers, buzz saws and hungry sharks, all of which will give their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

During all crime investigations, it is necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

All beds have special L-shaped covers that reach up to the armpits of a naked woman but only to the waist of the man lying beside her.

All grocery shopping bags contain at least one French bread and one bunch of carrots with leafy tops.

It's easy to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

If you are beautiful, your makeup never rubs off, even while scuba diving or fighting aliens. However if you are overweight, your mascara will run and your lipstick will smear.

The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there, and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.

You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it is not necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

A man will show no pain while taking the most horrific beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

If staying in a haunted house, women must investigate any strange noises in their most diaphanous underwear, which is what they happened to be wearing when the car broke down.

If someone says "I'll be right back," they won't.

Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel from time to time.

All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.

A police detective can only solve a case after he has been suspended from duty.

If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone around you will be able to mirror all the steps you come up with, and hear the music in your head.

Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure each is assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

******

Friday, April 02, 2004

::rant::

irresponsible pet owners!!! please bear in mind my bedtime is long overdue....

this morning's drama, so to speak, involved this fluffy white dog. no collar, no tags, but oh so cute, she made me 20 minutes late for work today. as the animal shelter 5 minutes down the road wouldn't take her because i didn't live in the same city, i ended up driving BACK home and put fluffy in the garage with a bowl of water & prayed that all of josh's music equipment would be, er, untouched when i returned.

insert 4 hours here.

i return home and open the garage door, and watch as fluffy pees on two neighbor's property (oh! she held it! good for her! josh will be relieved!) before racing to the opposite end of the block (across the street from where i found her). a woman stood outside with her 2 young boys and welcomed the dog as i half jogged to fluffy's home, following in her wake. the women had no idea the dog had been missing.

can i say, i'm not on a mission here to reform pet owners: you either care or you don't. plainly this women could not exert the same sort of care over her dog as she did for her children. and, on the grand scale, children are much more important. however, it just makes me outrageously insane with fiery hot anger, and, furious, about this sort of idiotic behavior. woman, in my opinion, you don't deserve that dog. but you must be doing something right if she knows where her home is....

3.30.2004

march 2004 archive

29 March 2004

::brand new day::

happy monday! i've been up since 6:30 without the alarm. i've fed the cats and started a load of laundry. i have a dentist appointment to go to later today. and the creamer, which i happily poured into my coffee yesterday, is dutifully expired. since march 21. eh, time to go shopping.

i'm not sure what got me up this early this morning, but maybe it was so i could hit the web and catch up with friends' sites. and that had to have been the best news of all as there is now this bizarre buzz of cheerfulness, and, hope in my head & heart. broken fences are being mended with friends from days past and if josh and i make it to new york before she moves again (graduate school!) then we will have someone to not only visit, but someone who can procure the back door to new york city for us. gosh, i've missed you.

28 March 2004

:: ah HA ::

ok, totally uncreative, but this has been a weekend of running errands.

today i found THIS, which i have deemed my new dream bedding. after gasping at the price tag, i promptly returned home to add it to my list of ebay favorites, which i will be emailed daily. i am almost as bad about bedding as i am about shoes & purses...i like lots of change. but, i'm not about to dump $1000 into a new collection. i may, however, consider working saturdays in san clemente (at my old branch, incidently) for some o.t. in order to achieve my dream. i know i'm not going to win the lottery...i don't even bother playing! so, let us be realistic....

josh & i also hit ikea and hemmed and hawed over this and that for the family room. which, absent of a fresh coat of paint that is not a shade of white, is nearly complete as far a decor goes. and, well, there is the matter of those temporary blinds, but, it's all in good time, yes?

oh, and i've been really good about not going on neopets--yeah me! i do stop in for the daily stuff, but that takes about 15 minutes. there's so much living to do! (and, so much house to clean! and laundry to wash! (uh, and fold... i have about 4-5 loads worth right now that needs folding on the bed.... i keep taking it off at bedtime & cramming it into a laundry basket!).

so, that's been me for the most part. the landscaping hasn't progressed much in the past week as they prepare to pour concrete, but that's ok. as long as they show up tomorrow.

well, back to the home type stuff (i may just HAVE to assemble our new furniture!!!). cheers!



27 March 2004

::saturday funnies::

Children

For those with NO children-this is totally hysterical!
For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.

Things I've learned from my Children:

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3-year olds voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4 year old.

11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15. VCR's do not eject PB&J; sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18. You probably do not want to know what the odor is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on ... plastic toys do not like ovens.

20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24. The mind of a 6-year old is wonderful. First grade ... true story: One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of The Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read,"... and so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?" One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said...'Holy crap! A talking pig!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

25. 60% of the men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

*********
thank you to sarah in az... just in time for today!


23 March 2004

:: (i am) inspired again ::

last night's visit w/ dino, and my prompt snoozefest in the music studio till 2am has drilled into my subconscious something which i now realize in full force: i miss my music. the warmth of music spilling from dino, onto the piano, and into the microphone, has awakened in my the desire i have always had to write music. though i'm not certain where that will lead, garageband lessons will be the beginning of my happy adventuring. it's about time i started working on my "homework" (winks @ josh). ;)

on the flip side, i also realized how much i've missed this dear friend of ours, and how wonderful it was to exchange hugs and warm hellos with each other. dino is one of the first of josh's friends whom i met when we first started dating (or, "going steady" as some of you know the story). there are so many friends out there that i am so thankful to have, and it can be such a challenge to keep in touch with each other in today's crazy busy-ness. i am grateful for all of you, whether we see each other every day (best friend and husband, josh, is the only one who can claim that!) or once a year. it's just the point in living here, as i see it. human contact.

22 March 2004

:: you look nice in that suit ::

monty won't leave me alone tonight. though he has food in his dish, it isn't "new food" and therefore i am a bad mommy because i have not fed him this evening. though, perhaps by now he actually has stomthing to complain about. he's such a beautiful cat. i really need to get some pictures up here of him... one step at a time though. he's keeping me company at the moment, stretched out next to the computer.

very proud of myself tonight. i only spent an hour on neopets and i am hoping that addiction is coming under control. i mean, all things in moderation and such, this house has really suffered. i am discovering i do my best housecleaning on friday mornings, though i inevitably end up late for work because of that.

the landscaping is proceding nicely. the wall is stuccoed and with any luck they will be here tomorrow as they missed saturday and today. i wouldn't really call it missed, though, because i see how fast they are working. i will be very excited to have it finished. yeah! but, my association can still suck my toe as far as i'm concerned. they have nothing better to do than nit pick my pots to death! i mean, european architecture vs. terra cotta? give me a break!

------

i gave monty some food finally and now he saunters up the stairs and looks at me with a couple of encouraging meows. such a sweet cat.... i'm trying to find my mood tonight. supposed to go visit a good friend who moved to arizona and is in town down in san clemente, so i'm anxious to keep my momentum going. i haven't, nor has josh, seen him probably for close to 2 years maybe... back in the beginnings of our house, before there was a proper guest room (uh, er, there still isn't...the cat box stays in there!). anyhow, that makes me think that i should begin the lengthy task of republishing my site as it was before i took it down for all the drama it caused with former employer. it's amazing how much 2 years can do to a person. ... or, just a year. or, just a week. i feel as though i spend every day understanding more about myself and people around me. and hopefully one time i'll actually have some profound dissertation to offer that doesn't completely spill my guts to my reader. i mean, not that i don't mind getting a little personal once in a while, but i'm really just having a bit of difficulty, right this moment, coming up with something that resembles intelligent conversation. i can make sentences and words sound good together (i think so), but right now i'm not saying a thing! well, last week was a tough week for me and that's why i kept myself occupied and didn't write a lot.

on that note, dinner calls... i will ponder my navel and come back with more thoughts.

13 March 2004

::saturday funnies::


WARNING : Bread Is Dangerous

Important things to know for those who have been drawn unsuspectingly into the use of bread.

1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.

2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.

3. Bread is made from a substance called "dough". It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average person eats more bread than that in one month!

4. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average human life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.

5. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.

6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread in their diets exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.

7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread, and given only water, begged for bread after as little as two days.

8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even meat loaf.

9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey, bread-pudding person.

10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.

11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 250 degrees Celsius! That kind of heat can kill an adult in one minute.

12. Most bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.


In light of these frightening statistics, we propose the following bread restrictions:

1. No sale of bread to minors.

2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, complete with celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.

3. A 300 percent tax on all bread to pay for the societal ills we might choose associate with bread.

4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.

5. The establishment of "Bread-Free Zone" around schools.



10 March 2004

::who is she?::

there's a scene in my head, like something out of a movie. some wanna-be tragically hip twenty-something struggling with her own ideas amidst a handful of well executed mistakes. she sits a a computer, waiting for it to come. praying for some revelation as to the bigger picture of her. her life. she tries, badly, to impose her imaginings on other people. tries to be a writer, a musician, etching these things on her skin as if the imprint will bleed into her. a catalyst spurring her inspiration. she tries different clothes, different hairstyles, different friends. but today, it's just her. fingers newly freed from the harshness of acrylics, toes freshly painted, hair newly cut, colored and washed. she's no one else but herself. what does she want out of life? she flirts with depression & depressive behavior. contemplates calling those she left behind. suddenly reminded of why she left in the first place, she puts down the phone, deletes the first words of her email. all she can even begin with is "hi" or "hey" and then it seems worthless. you see, she's still painfully aware of the existence of these "others". but, you see, they did some leaving too. she cannot rewrite the past. she listens to music when she's feeling introspective. or when she's driving. she seeks her inspiration from personal experience, but this depresses her because it is so self-centered. lacks the imagination to figure out what someone else's life would be like.

who is she?


stay tuned for the next installment....

::when i'm by myself::

i miss the sound of josh moving in this house.
i lack the motivation to do housework.
i watch too much tv.
i play neopets till i'm about to go blind and my eyes are watery.
i forget to do errands.
i search cyberspace for other bodies to talk with. but i'm shy, so there's only a few i reach out to.
i dream.
i don't read.
i sit at my computer & try to blog. usually uncreative.
i surf the net.
i listen to music.
i shop itunes/ebay/half.com.
i talk to my cats.
i exercise.
i contemplate the unfinished landscaping. i don't think they came today....
i contemplate the nuts on our association. what is wrong with them?
i contemplate my navel.
i change into my pjs early and stay up late.
i forget to eat dinner.
i take bubble bathes in candlelight...which take 10 minutes to draw, and last 5 minutes after i get bored since there's no one to talk to.
i browse other blogs.
i just found a flea.
i contemplate vaccuuming.
i advantage my cats against fleas.
i bathe my cats if the weather is warm.
it is night, so i should wait for that.
i wonder if i just killed a flea.
i advantaged my cats about a month ago.
i eat chocolate chip cookies.
i avoid sleep.
i sleep.
i try to engage myself in any useful activity.
i am a lazy bum.
i am a crazed laundry fiend.
i avoid folding the clean laundry.
i stand, amazed, and wonder how so much kitty litter gets on the floor.
i wish for ... brilliance.
or, a book deal.
i wonder if i am old enough to ... no, i don't wonder. i am old enough. just experiencing a lot of firsts.
i try to be creative.
i avoid reading the 2 year collection of better homes & gardens. i subscribed because of some door-to-door sales-woman and i've never cracked open the cover to do anything.
i get bored.
sometimes, i cry.
i call people (you might be next!)
i avoid neopets.

goodnight.

09 March 2004

::aujourd'hui, il fait trop chaud!!!::

the weather today, combined with our failing air conditioning @ work leaves me headachey and irritable tonight. there's nothing like sushi to put me back in a good mood. ummm... yellowtail! salmon! mackeral! yeah!

i'm listening to pictures of you just one more time before i get in my car & go. the headache is sitting right about the nape of my nose, right where it meets my forehead. so irritating. it is so hot tonight. if there were more window coverings, well... it's tempting you know. i am in my own house!!!

it is too early for summer!!! argh!

time for sushi. kan pai! (acutally shomei sushi again. the local kan pai sushi in ladera ranch has officially earned the nickname "canned pie sushi". sushi is not supposed to be room temperature!!! well, not in my book. it should be cool, even if it has been in someone's hands!)

08 March 2004

::the cure::

i've never been the best robert smith fan, but i've got "pictures of you" looping on itunes at the moment. actually that's a lie. i just pressed play just now, but i'm planning on playing it a multitude of times before i go to sleep.

the landscaping is coming along nicely. it's only day 3, but the walls have started to go up & i am oh so very excited. i am ready to go postal on my association, whose members steathily disapproved my use of terra cotta pots in my latest submission. officially my second, but technically my third to have been returned to me. apparently, the terra cotta idea, which i thought neutal, clashes with my "european architecture". really? i just didn't see it that way, but whatever. you do what you have to in order to make them happy and then i'll just do what i really want in the end. these people really have no life, and i am just short of surprised they have not demanded to see pictures of my future patio furniture. i mean, honestly now, that will be far more visible than the plants! *shaking head* what can you do?

so i'm just in a mellow mood tonight. chatted with lots of people in an effort to keep contact with my friends. feeling certainly lucky to have so very many. very blessed in that area of my life. still, in the end, it's just me & the cats 'til josh gets home. i miss him. we had such a lovely weekend together. :)

*pauses*

well, proudly i am spending quite a bit less time on the computer playing games, but haven't quite reorganized my priorities entirely. it's a work in progress. once the hardscape is done, i am looking forward to the whole planting of plants thing, which will be new for me. and, again, a very adult thing to be doing. ooooh! i'm twen-ty-se-ven. oooooh. so grown up *smirking, laughing at self* ha ha ha. honestly now. i'm still just a kid in so many ways. so i don't have any of my own, understandably so. whatever, i'm rambling. here's something on the spot, sort of stream-of-consciousness. forgive me if it makes not a lot of sense.

*****

wandering through this world
always a bit confused
seemlingly purposeless
slowly finding meaning
in relationships
her friends
becoming more & more important
there's a feat inside
of being alone
not just by myself
but really alone
so fortunate that
lack of contact
doesn't drive them all away
they are all so forgiving

*****
(this is how quelle former job affected me)

4/25/03
sometimes
the work
comes so quickly
seemingly caught in the midst
of crashing waves
it's unrelenting
and i struggle with my breath
light in my head
i'm swimming
or i'm drowning
will someone tell me which
way is up
so when i stop for a second
or five
and the feeling catches up with me
my eyes water
fresh with living tears
before i am cloaked
in mind-numbing stress
that's how
this feels
that's how
i felt

*****
wow, how i don't miss it. how it's difficult to think that i lived a year of my life like that. how i just didn't even feel like myself. how my work became my life and family (and how lucky i was to have such coworkers as i still keep in touch with them and how we all cheered each other on through the hard times. so lucky). how i just completely feel like, despite the experience i gained from my job, what a wasted year. such an emotional pillar that just buried me and it's unbelievable that others lasted as long as they did. i was the first to go, but others are beginning to follow suit. i suppose i was the weakest of them all? in the end, it's better for me now. and i'm going to keep working really hard where i'm at. and, i'm not looking forward to putting in for the transfer when it comes available, but how can i pass up this opportunity--to work a five minute's walk from my home? i would be crazy. still, there are no guarantees. God will have me wherever he wants me. and that's how it's going to be.

06 March 2004

:: serious saturday ::

...because i can't find & don't have the time to look for something funny. amn, it's late right now. i'll keep this brief as i'll be hitting the hay shortly.

landscaping started yesterday. ohmygosh did it start. this is such a major project and yet again i am struck with disbelief...am i old enough to be doing all this? the truth is, i guess i'm old enough to be doing a whole lot more than i am...but still lack the motivation or drive to be doing whatever that would be... children? going back to school? remembering to clean house? i feel so utterly disorganized. i am trying not to get sick (as has been the pattern for 4 months now, essentially since i started back with the bank). i think my body is adjusting to the germ-ridden money i work with every day and detoxing from the previous job which left me so frazzled. never again. never again.

anyhow, so, that's what's happening. it's way too late (or early, as the case may be) for me to be contemplating lifes profundity or my navel, so i'm calling it quits and going to bed. i've got a lot of work to do tomorrow, if my energy level keeps up like it has been. good evening!

2.28.2004

february 2004 archive

28 February 2004

::saturday funnies::

For Those Who Take Life Too Seriously


1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

2. A day without sunshine is like, night.

3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

4. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

5. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

6. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

7. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

8. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

9. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges

10. Honk if you love peace and quiet.

11. Remember half the people you know are below average.

12. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?

13. Nothing is fool-proof to a talented fool.

14. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

15. He who laughs last thinks slowest.

16. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

17. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

18. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

19. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

20. I intend to live forever - so far so good.

21. Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.

22. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

23. My mind is like a steel trap - rusty and illegal in 37 states.

24. Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.

25. The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

26. Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

27. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.

28. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

29. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

30. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

31. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

32. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks

33. Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

34. No one is listening until you make a mistake.

35. Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.

36. The colder the x-ray table the more of your body is required on it.

37. The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.

38. The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.

39. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

40. To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

41. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

42. You never really learn to get angry until you learn to drive.

43. Two wrongs are only the beginning.

44. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

45. The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.

46. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

47. Change is inevitable except from vending machines.

48. Get a new car for your spouse - it'll be a great trade!

49. Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.

50. Always try to be modest and be proud of it!

51. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

52. How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand...

53. Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.

54. If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you.

..................................
this is from august of last year--thank you sarah! to my reader, sorry for the late post!

25 February 2004

::passion::

went and saw mel gibson's the Passion of the Christ yesterday. will try to break it down bit by bit without revealing any major points since it is early in the release.

my immediate reaction...is still coming to the surface and it is 24 hours later. the film was amazing. a tour de force in concept and vision which was realized to the fullest extent. notwithstanding some artistic license, the meaning and intention was not lost on myself, though it leaves me trembling in the wake of my current life as a Christian.... there is so much going through my mind, so forgive me jumping from one place to another in my thought.

the soundtrack...yes, i go there. this is about the film as a whole piece...artistic, historic, everything. as passionate as i am about music (knowing me, you would realize this) how could i be expected to leave this one alone. the score was a blend of lisa gerrard's gladiator meets peter gabriel's passion with a hint of danny elfman and little bit of howard shore and to bring it all together. john debney composed a fitting accompaniment to the movie which only accentuated the film: not drawing our attention away from it, but intensifying the emotions of each and every scene.

with that, i shall pause, not knowing how to continue. as i said, i am still reeling from the experience. it is unforgettable, as it should be.

1.31.2004

january 2004 archive

Saturday, January 31, 2004

::saturday funnies::

How to Bathe a Cat

a. Put both lids of the toilet up and add the required amount of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

b. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

c. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.

d. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

e. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and "rinse."

f. Have someone open the door to the outside, be sure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.

g. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

h. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself off.

i. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean! Always here to give you the best of tested advice in difficult times..


Sincerely,

The Dog

this week's entry comes from anne in california. yippee!!